


Faded

by Sophia_Bee



Series: Paris Series [2]
Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Angst, Dan Was Never Gossip Girl, Divorce, F/M, Future Fic, Original Characters - Freeform, Paris (City), Past Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 09:11:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2304392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Bee/pseuds/Sophia_Bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow up to City of Sorrow. The entire series is set fifteen years after Blair chooses Chuck over Dan. Blair has moved to Paris and is divorcing Chuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been raining all day and Blair had felt the melancholy weighing her down. She woke that morning knowing this would be the day that she was finally set free. 

The lawyer’s office was sleek and bright with modern furniture, butter-soft leather seats for their wealthy clients to sink into as they made and broke contracts, signed away their lives, gained their freedom. The lawyer was short and heavy set, wearing a nice suit and stinking of expensive cologne that made Blair’s nose itch. He sat at his huge desk and pushed a pile of papers towards her. For over an hour he instructed her where to sign, where to initial, going over all the details. Blair had felt weariness gripping her after a while. It had been so easy to get married. A quick ceremony, a few words, a million promises of forever. Ending a marriage was taxing, as if even the paperwork detailing the of breaking that vow had become a punishment for failure. 

Chuck had sent her roses that morning. A dozen long-stemmed yellow beauties. A sign of friendship. Blair had smiled and took them from the delivery person standing awkwardly in the hallway, murmuring “Merci,”. She had opened the card and read the message typed on the inside: I hope you get everything you want. 

The lawyer across from her pulled at his collar and he looked like he was sweating. Blair thought it might be polite to suggest a break, maybe some coffee, but she didn’t want to stall this process any longer. He’d flown in from New York yesterday on Chuck’s behest, wanting to make sure Henry’s school wasn’t disturbed. Blair thought Chuck was a much better ex-husband than she’d ever expected. 

When they were done the lawyer had stood up and shook her hand.

“Thank you, Mrs. Bass.”

“Waldorf,” Blair had said, gripping his sweating hand firmly, “I’m going back to Waldorf.”

“Of course,” the lawyer had murmured, although Blair was pretty sure he wasn’t really listening to her. He was getting paid a lot of money for this transaction and it was probably one of the easiest divorces in the history of the Upper East Side. No bitterness, no arguments. Chuck was generous. He told Blair he had no reason to be otherwise. Henry was provided for. Blair was provided for as well. She could live reasonably on what Chuck was offering. 

She decided to walk home from the office, umbrella tucked under her arm, her hair damp from the drizzle. It wasn’t a long walk to her apartment they’d been inhabiting for the last three months since she and Henry had moved to Paris. She had a few hours before he blew through the door, his long hair shielding his eyes, skateboard under his arms, and Blair would never stop being struck at how much like his father he looked. He was twelve years old going on thirty five, the years of boarding school and being mostly on his own having given him a surprising maturity. Now, as he adjusted to going to a neighborhood private school and coming home to his mother every night, she and Henry were getting to know each other all over again. Someday Blair hoped she would be able to tell him how sorry she was that she hadn’t fought harder for him. Henry being sent away was one of her greatest regrets. One of them. Her other major regret hung over her like a shroud, and sometimes Blair felt draped in its heaviness, unable to even move. Almost every night she dreamed of him, woke calling out his name, ached for his touch. 

_Dan. The love of my life._

They hadn’t seen each other since that one night. Blair had woken up with Dan’s arm heavy across her hip and she knew that she needed to leave. No matter how much she loved him, despite the fact that she now knew she would never love someone in the same way for the rest of her life, there was no future for them. Blair remembered how she had allowed herself to curl up into him, the way he smelled of sleep and sex and Dan, and she memorized him. Then she had carefully extracted herself from his sleep-heavy body, dressed with tears rolling down her face and did the right thing for both of them. She walked away. 

Life had gone one, but around her everything seemed faded into various shades of gray since that night. She spent her days planning her move to Paris. Visited Henry at boarding school and told him they’d be moving soon. Emailed Chuck about their parenting agreement. Missing Dan every single day and knowing that the pain she felt wasn’t going to ever find any relief. It would stay lodged in her chest forever.

She’d run into Serena once. Blair was leaving yet another appointment with the lawyer. She was going to Paris in only three weeks and it was time for Chuck and Blair Bass to put out the announcement that they were separating. A press release would go out as well as the required newspaper announcement. The world would finally know the true state of the Bass-Waldorf union. It would be three or four months more before everything would be final, but with the press release and announcement, Blair would finally be free to leave New York and head to her new home. 

Nate was the first person she saw, recognizing his lithe figure as it emerged from a coffee shop, a white cup with a black lid gripped in his gloved hand. His hair was still the same blonde, short, almost boyish and he was wearing a long camel wool coat. Blair smiled. It had been ages since she’d seen Nate. With her marriage and his lack of marriage, their friendship had faded, but she had always missed having him around and the easy way they could talk to each other. She was about to call out his name when a woman emerged behind him, laying a hand on his arm, tilting her head up to say something, and Blair froze. 

Serena. 

Blair gulped and she felt her body turn cold. She started to turn away, hoping they didn’t look her way when she heard her name. Blair stopped and slowly turned around to find Serena standing just a few feet from her, her eyes snapping with fury, her hands on her hips, her mouth a thin, tight line. Nate was standing behind Serena, eyes not meeting Blair.

“You finally got what you wanted, didn’t you?” Serena said, her voice mostly steady but Blair could detect a slight tremor, a small sign of the rage that lie beneath Serena’s polished surface. “It took a long time but that meant you could destroy me even more, didn’t it?”

After all these years, it was still all about Serena. Blair wanted to protest, to tell Serena that it wasn’t like that and that Serena wasn’t the only one here who had lost. They all had. One mistake years ago and set things in motion that would only lead to pain, and it was inevitable that once she and Dan found each other again that everyone involved would get hurt. Mutually assured destruction in the form of love. Instead Blair said nothing. 

“I hope you enjoyed fuckign my husband,” Serena continued. “I hope it was worth it.”

“I…” Blair managed to squeak out then she closed her mouth and said nothing more. Sleeping with Dan had set her free. If she’d never found Dan again she may never have decided to stand up to Chuck and end their marriage. And she had enjoyed it. Even with all the shame that came crashing, fucking Dan Humphrey after fifteen years of not having his fingers on her skin, not kissing him, not allowing herself to love him, had been cathartic. But Serena didn’t want to hear this. Serena wanted her to be sorry. The only thing she was truly sorry for was that no matter what their nights together had meant, she and Dan could never have a life together. That wasn’t entirely the truth. She was also sorry that Serena had to also realize she’d been living a lie, and that that realization had hurt her and trapped her instead of setting her free. She was sorry for all the pain, but she also didn’t see how this could have happened without it. All of this had been set in motion fifteen years ago when Blair had made the wrong decision.

“You destroyed my family,” Serena continued, her voice rising now, and Blair saw Nate step towards her, placing his hand on her arm. 

“S.,” Nate said softly. Serena’s head turned at the sound of his voice. “it’s not worth it.” 

Serena was crying now, soft, beautiful tears, and as always, she looked perfect, even filled with sadness and despair. Just like her family had looked perfect, until it wasn’t. Blair could see how Dan believed he loved her all those years even if it wasn’t the truth. Serena made it easy to believe your own lies. Blair wanted to tell her she was sorry. She never meant to love her husband. She never meant for Dan to love her back. She never meant to run after him in the rain, calling his name. But she would also never take it back. It wasn’t a matter of fault as much as it was a matter of fate, but Serena would never understand that. She didn’t want to. 

Serena startled a little at Nate’s words and her mouth opened and closed as if she wanted to say more, but she didn’t. She just leveled a gaze full of pain and accusation at Blair and it was so strong, so hurt that Blair almost flinched. Serena turned away and Blair could see her shoulders shaking with silent sobs and as soon as Nate and Serena turned the corner, Blair leaned against the rough cement wall and started trembling. She wanted more than anything to call Dan, to tell him what had happened, but she couldn’t. That path to the future was closed and even asking for support, or pretending they could strike up a friendship, was no longer an option. Blair was entirely on her own. 

Three months later Blair was still on her own, walking down the street in Paris. She knew this was good, was what she needed, and she would be better, stronger, but today she didn’t care. Today she ached for Dan and she wished she was weaker. All she wants is to go home, curl up in his arms and sob her heart out for what she’s lost. Even though everything has gone smoothly, today is still the end of her marriage and with it the end of all of her teenage dreams. She’d tried to live them out and she’d failed. No matter how much she’d hated being married to Chuck, no matter how wrong it was for them to get married in the first place, there was still part of her that feels she has failed. 

All she wants is Dan because she knows he would tell her that it would be okay and she would believe him, but she only has herself and Blair has found that she is sometimes too plagued with self doubt to truly believe what she knows to be true. 

Blair’s phone vibrates in her pocket and she glances at it, seeing Henry’s face grinning back at her. She answers it and his voice is vibrant on the other end. She closes her eyes and thinks about how much she loves her boy. 

“Mom.” his voice is short, excited, “Remy got a new skateboard video and he invited me to stay over and watch it, and since there’s no school tomorrow….”

Blair smiles. Her son is easy-going and has made a few good friends in a short time, Remy being one of them.

“Have his mom call me when you get there. And do your homework, and don’t stay up all night,” Blair says. She wants to go home and be alone anyway. She doesn’t need to have her son see her cry. Henry tells her he loves her and Blair repeats it back, then he’s hung up and she realizes she’s back at the apartment. 

She spends the next couple hours putzing around. She folds all of Henry’s clothes. Writes and email to Dorota asking when she can make it over for a visit. She misses her maid terribly. When evening arrives Blair makes herself a cup of tea and some toast for dinner, eating it at the small kitchen table in a pool of light as the colors in the room fade to gray in the twilight. She thinks she should take the plate to the sink but then decides that she’s going to do it in the morning. She feels tired, so tired that it seeps into her bones but she doesn’t really want to go to bed because she knows she’s just going to dream of Dan, and after a day like today, that might break her. Still, she decides she should probably not fight sleep. Tomorrow will be another day and she will still have Henry and even though she has a broken heart, life will go on just like it has for months now. 

Blair stands up from the kitchen table, stretching a little, feeling how the cold has made her bones creak a little as she’s gotten older. She makes a mental note that a yoga class might be nice. She pads her way towards the bedroom when she hears a knock on the door. She wonders who it could be, maybe Henry and Remy have had a fall-out and her gangly almost teenage son has forgotten his key again, or maybe it’s just a stranger searching for a different apartment. She walks towards the door, noticing how the scent of the roses from Chuck wafts through the air as she passes by them. This makes her smile a little. She takes the handle, twists it and pulls the door open only to gasp. 

Dan. Dan Humphrey is standing in the hallway, looking rumpled and sad and hurt and at the sight of him Blair feels a sharp ache that causes her breath to hitch. Blair starts to shake, letting go of everything she’s been holding inside, and he’s stepping inside, closing the door behind him, gathering her into his arms, murmuring her name, lips in her hair. She running her hands up and down his back, say his name over and over again. 

“Dan.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blair signs the papers and her divorce is final when gets a gift from an unexpected person in her life who is determined to play cupid.

Dan pulls back and looks down into Blair’s face, searching her eyes. She knows this is wrong, is violating everything she told herself needed to happen, but she is so sad and he is there and real and he wants her so badly she can almost feel the air between them vibrate. His arms wrap around her and his chest is warm, and she thinks that maybe she can take just a little bit. Just for right now. Like an alcoholic telling herself that she can handle just one drink. 

“Stay,” Blair whispers, her voice heavy with need, “I need you here.”

Dan’s lips are on hers and her voice is sighing her name as he licks at her lips and opens her mouth with his tongue and Blair feels like she’s drowning, sinking into a place where there’s nothing left to think and everything to feel. She needs this so much because it’s the only thing that takes away the pain. She’s pulling at the hem of his t-shirt, tugging at the waistband of his jeans, her trembling fingers seeking out the warmth and softness of his skin. He’s pushing her backwards, step by step, kissing her and kissing her. It’s not sweet, not the soft touch of lovers. It’s desperate, almost angry. 

They end up in her bed, the same bed where this all started, clothing mostly off, limbs tangled, consuming each other. Maybe she’s actually an addict having her last drink before a long dry spell because she can’t get enough. 

“I just need...I just…” Blair gasps as Dan kisses down the column of her neck. 

“What?” he hisses, “What do you need, Blair?”

He looks up, his eyes meeting hers and they are locked on each other. She looks at him not sure what to say. She needs him. She needs things to be different. She needs to not be alone. 

“I need to stop feeling so much,” Blair finally settles on saying, the words feeling like the only truth she can say aloud and tears are falling from her eyes. “Dammit, Dan, I’m so lost without you, I didn’t even know it until I opened the door and you were there. I’m so tired of hurting like this.” 

He’s kissing her again, this time slower, sweeter. Then he’s kissing her cheek, her jaw, her brow, light touches of his lips that are driving Blair wild for more.

“Me too.”

She grinds her pelvis into his groin, feeling how hard he is, and the sweetness slips away, leaving only desperation and the need to feel each other. They fuck, fast and hard, Dan pounding into Blair, her hands gripping his back, legs wrapped around his hips, and she’s holding on so hard she know there’ll be bruises. And as Dan comes, his hips jerking, stuttering, he throws his head back and tells her that he loves her. 

Blair starts crying again. 

They are so stuck. 

Blair’s orgasm follows right behind Dan’s and then they collapse, spent, Dan sleepily nuzzling the crook of her neck, Blair stroking his hair with a languid hand, wrapped around each other, skin damp with sweat. After a long while Blair lifts her head to gaze blearily at the man who is slung across her looking weary and spent. 

“Why did you come?” Blair asks softly, just now being able to process what it meant to open her door and find Dan standing in the hallway. “Somehow the universe must have known that I needed you...this...today.”

Dan smiles and laughs a little, and Blair sees some of that humor in his eyes that she had loved so much when they were young and in love.

“The universe,” he says wryly. You won’t believe it,” he tells her. “I got a call yesterday from Chuck.”

“What?” Blair sits up, the sheet falling away to pool at her waist, the air cool against her breasts. She doesn’t bother to conceal the fact that she’s flabbergasted at what Dan has just told her.

“Yeah. Chuck Bass. He said you needed me and he’d booked a flight to Paris. I was stuck on a script rewrite anyway, so I had nothing to keep me from coming to see you. Plus your ex-husband called me and told me to go to you. I wasn’t going to say no.”

Blair smiles a little. Seems the roses weren’t the only divorce gift Chuck was giving her. “Yes,” she agrees, “I did need you. I mean, I do. I signed the divorce papers today.”

Dan’s face fills with sympathy. He reaches up from where he’s reclined on the bed and smooths a sweat-damp tendril of hair off her forehead. Blair smiles a little. The sadness is still lodged in her chest but it feels a little lighter. 

“Oh Blair. I’m so sorry.” Dan gets it. He knows that even if she and Chuck never loved each other, the ending of their relationship hurts in its own way. Blair is still sitting up. She pulls a pillow behind her and scoots to prop herself against her headboard and Dan moves to lay his head on her stomach, tracing circles around her belly button. They are quiet for a while, breathing together, each lost in their own thoughts about where their lives had ended up. Blair can hear the rain hitting the windows again and she wonders if Paris is always going to greet her and Dan with rain. The sound of the occasional car going by, splashing through puddles, drifts through the thin warped glass of her apartment. 

“Does this change anything for you?” Dan asks after a long while. Blair signs heavily. By ‘this’ he means both Chuck’s strange act of blessing them and the divorce being final. She knows he’s asking if she is feeling differently about the possibility that they could actually manage to be together and Blair doesn’t have an answer.

“I don’t know,” she answers honestly. Does it? She’s free. But does that mean she and Dan can finally move on? “Maybe,” She tells him. It’s the best she can offer. “Does it change things for you?”

He sighs just as heavily. 

“No,” he says quietly. “It’s like I’m stuck in this horrible limbo. I can’t go back. I mean, I don't want to go back. Seeing you again changed everything in my life. Since we said goodbye in New York I’ve had time to think. I mean, I have nothing but time these days. I don’t know if I actually ever loved Serena. I loved our life. We were beautiful together, golden, but I don’t know. She has this way of sucking you in until you don’t really know which way is up. Now that she’s angry, I’m seeing her differently and I don’t know if anything we had was real.”

Dan isn’t looking at her anymore. He’s gazing out the window of her bedroom, his fingers running softly up and down her arm which is starting to become a little too chilled as the evening becomes cooler. His voice is indescribably sad and Blair can feel his loss in an almost physical way. 

“You know,” he continued, “she’s seeing someone. It’s almost like she can’t be alone.”

“Nate?” Blair asks as she sees the pieces falling into place almost in front of her eyes. Dan looks at her with some surprise.

“Yes. How did you know?”

“I ran into them a few months ago,” Blair remembers the way Serena had looked at Nate, the way she’d placed her hand on his arm. “It wasn’t hugely obvious but now that you say they are seeing each other, I can see it.”

“Fuck,” Dan says harshly, running a hand through his hair in a quick movement of frustration, “I wouldn’t care except that Serena is so angry that she’s regularly threatening to challenge me for custody of the twins, especially if you’re involved. But she can fuck Nate Archibald to her heart’s content. I can’t have you. If I do, I can’t have my kids. But she can have whatever she wants.”

Blair sighs. Serena is bringing her role as the woman scorned to an art form. She would hate her if it wasn’t such a typical thing for Serena to do. Blair is actually cold and still sitting up so she snuggles back under comforter, into the crook of his arm, kissing Dan on the shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry, my love. I hate that you’re facing this kind of choice, or what I hate even more is that you really have no choice? Where does that leave us?” she asks, placing another kiss on his bare skin, enjoying the way it makes him shudder. 

“Enjoy right now?” Dan says quietly. “I mean, I can’t believe that I flew to Paris and that you didn’t slam the door in my face. That’s amazing in itself.” 

Things feel different now, less edgy and Blair looks at Dan and smiles, “do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you, and you were exactly what I needed today. I wasn’t going to slam the door, more like slam you against the wall.”

Blair finds Dan’s lips again and this time she kisses him slowly, memorizing the way he feels. He leans into the kiss with a hungry groan and Blair knows they won’t be talking much in a few minutes and they can’t just pretend that the world isn’t going to intrude very soon. She pushes him back, hands on his chest.

“Wait,” she gasps. “You can’t stay. I mean, you can, but not all night.”

Dan looks puzzled for a moment but he says nothing, waits for Blair to tell him what she’s thinking. 

“Henry,” Blair sighs. “he’s at a friend’s and I can’t have him come home and find you in our apartment. He’s just adjusting to living here and the fact that his dad and I aren’t going to be together.”

Blair hates the look of disappointment on Dan’s face. 

“So, it’s like New York. One night and what happens then? Do we wait another six months, another year?” Dan’s tone biting, but Blair knows his anger isn’t directed at her but at this entire situation. 

“No,” Blair says quietly “it’s not like New York. I can’t walk away again. That felt very close to dying. If I didn’t have Henry to take care of, and if loving you didn’t make me strong and willing to risk everything, I don’t know if I would have made it. I can’t do that again. You could come here. Get a place. We could see each other.”

Blair feels a strange feeling of hope swell in her chest.

“I can’t.” Dan says, “Serena would find out. She would hold Atticus and Daisy over my head. I can’t,” Dan looked at her with so much sadness in his eyes, “I just can’t give them up for you.”

The hope is replaced by the pain of her heart breaking for Dan. “No, my love. I wouldn’t want you to,” Blair tells him and it’s her turn to try to soothe the worry from his face with her fingers.

“If this were another time, if things were different, we could be normal. Date. Meet each others kids.” Dan spits out. “Goddammit Blair…I hate this….”

“It’s not another time,” Blair says softly. “I don’t know what the future holds but this, tonight, is all we have. But I don’t want you to leave and not hear from you until my crazy ex-husband decides to grace us with a little kindness again. We should at least talk. You know, on the phone.”

Dan raises an eyebrow, “phone sex?”

Blair actually laughs and she remembers how funny she finds Dan. That dream of being able to be normal, to lie in bed making each other laugh, feels like it’s trying to creep into whatever they are. She bats at Dan and he smiles at her.

“Pervert!” Blair grins, “The phone. No email, no texts. Anything we send between us could be fodder for Serena. Then when that’s all over and you have your kids, we can move forward.”

Dan looks at her and Blair can feel how much he loves her radiating, and she’s just told him that they have a future. Even if it’s not tomorrow or the next day, she is his and she will wait. He leans over to kiss her lightly on the nose. Blair feels herself blush and she thinks that it’s funny that after all they’ve been through, Dan can make her blush. 

“And,” she continues, “it’s not like we haven’t waited for this for a long time.”

“Fifteen years.” Dan says.

“Nine more months past that,” says Blair, “what’s a little more time?”

“Yes,” he answers, “What’s a little more time when you’re betting on eternity?”

She pretends that her heart isn’t cracking just a little at the thought of having to go back to life without him tomorrow. But in the meantime, they have until the early dawn when Dan will have to say goodbye and slip into the quiet streets of Paris, head back to New York, and she’ll be left alone with her tears. She takes solace in the fact that she is no longer mixing tears with regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some images that have inspired me:
> 
> 1\. Blair's [Paris apartment](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/nicety/2147506/1565771/1565771_original.jpg)
> 
> 2\. Paris [in the rain](https://img1.etsystatic.com/009/1/5440562/il_570xN.426103361_fey4.jpg)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Henry

The sun is just coming up when Dan leaves. Blair is wearing a light silk robe and she kisses Dan in the hallway until he groans and tells her if she doesn’t stop he’s not going to be able to leave. Blair smiles and tells him that it’s part of her secret plan to trap him and keep him forever. Despite the fact that Dan is leaving her again, she feels strangely happy and light, because this time she knows it isn’t forever. They have something between them now, even if it’s not much, even if it’s only talking on the phone, it’s better than missing him and aching for him with no possibility of relief. 

“I’ll call you when I land,” Dan says between kisses, “and then an hour after that. And an hour after that.”

Blair laughs, “we’re not teenagers anymore Humphrey. Considering that I thought I’d never see you again, I can manage talking to you once a day.” 

She lies. Dan calls her on it. 

Her neighbor walks out of the apartment next door, leveling a glare their way and Blair pushes away from Dan, shivering a little without his contact to keep her warm, wrapping her arms around herself, her eyes never leaving his.

“Go.” She says emphatically with a wave of her hand. 

“I love you,” Dan says, kissing her forehead.

He calls her from the cab. Then when he reaches the airport. Blair laughs at her ridiculous boyfriend, lover, whatever he is. It feels good to laugh.

She still has a few hours before Henry comes home so Blair busies herself in the kitchen of all places. Without Dorota to make meals for her Blair has actually had to learn to cook, which means she ends up texting Dorota about twenty times any time she turns on the stove. This morning isn’t any different, and she thinks that it’s early enough that maybe Dorota hasn’t gone to bed yet, so she sends a quick text followed by a winking smily. 

\- how do you boil water? ;)  
Miss Blair, you seem happy today. Not always so funny. -  
\- I am happy Dorota.  
Mr. Dan? -

Blair hesitates. Dorota has been with her in her darkest moments, watched her go through being married to Chuck and divorcing Chuck. She’s held her as she cried her heart out after seeing Dan in Paris. She knows what makes Blair happy. Blair hesitates for a moment, not sure how vulnerable she wants to be, then she smiles a little and texts back.

\- yes.

A few minutes later her phone bleeps again.

squeeeeee!!!!! -

Blair winces a little and makes a note to tell Dorota she tends to overuse exclamation points. At least she didn’t text back, ‘am Mr. Dan and Miss Blair’s biggest fangirl’. Blair should be thankful. 

In the end, Blair settles for making coffee and running down to the boulangerie for croissants. She’s at least mastered making coffee, but she promises herself that she’s going to actually make crepes some morning, and surprise Henry with them, who will probably high five her and tell her ‘way to go’. Or maybe even make them for Dan someday, who will eat them with gusto and tell her that maybe it’s time that the Humphrey waffle tradition go by the wayside. Blair’s chest clenches with this thought because for the first time ever she is allowing herself to think of a future that includes Dan Humphrey and it thrills her to no end. 

By the time Henry comes home, slamming the door behind him and throwing his backpack on the floor in the hallway the sun is shining brightly and it seems the rain won’t be gracing them with its presence today. 

“Croissant?” Blair calls from where she’s sitting in the kitchen as Henry passes by the doorway. He stops and turns to her, leaning against the doorjamb. He’s a long, gangly almost teenager but still has some of his little boy face left. His skateboard his under his arm, his hair flopping in his eyes and Blair feels her fingers itch to push it back. She’s always struck by how much he looks like Chuck with a little bit of Blair mixed in. 

“Ate at Remy’s,” he says. “I’ve got homework and we were going to go skate in the park later.”

Sometimes Blair feels like they’re more roommates than mother and son, living their lives side by side. She knows this is because since he was seven Henry has spent most of the year living away from her with only a few months in the summer for them to reconnect before he returned to his exclusive upstate New York boarding school. 

“Sit,” Blair says. “Come talk to me for a few minutes before you play video games,”

Henry rolls his eyes at her revelation that she knows there’s a good chance homework isn’t going to be done right away once he goes to his room. He drops his skateboard onto the floor, lops across the floor and slides into the chair across from her. Blair pushes the plate of croissants towards him and Henry grabs one, shoving it in his mouth and chewing. 

“Coffee?” Blair asks.

“They never let us have coffee at school,” Henry mumbles around his mouth full of pastry.

“Oh.” Blair says, feeling a little flustered. Is she supposed to keep him from having coffee? She’s not entirely sure. This day to day parenting thing is new for her. “I think it’s okay. I’m making espresso.”

“Maybe a latte?” he says, cocking an eyebrow at her. “I’m sure I’m too young for the straight stuff.”

Blair smiles and gets up to make her son a latte. She returns to the table and places a steaming mug with froth over the top in front of him.

“Getting pretty good at this, mom.” Henry says after taking a sip. Blair feels herself glow. She’s glad she can do something for her son because she spends a lot of time not really knowing exactly what to do. Other people have been parenting their kids hands-on for years by the time they’re twelve. Blair is just getting started. 

“Did you have fun at Remy’s?” Blair asks, feeling a little awkward, and as easy as it would be to just let Henry go back to his room and do whatever he does in there, she knows she needs to push through these feelings. 

“Yeah,” he mumbles.

“What did you do?”

“Not much.”

They are quiet again, Blair sipping her espresso, Henry grabbing another croissant. 

“Did you have a nice night?” he asks, like someone at a dinner party making conversation. Blair hopes the heat that rises up her doesn’t color her cheeks, giving away that she didn’t spend the night curled on the couch watching movies like Henry might assume. She adjusts the collar of her robe hoping there isn’t some mark on her skin that will give her away. 

“I did,” Blair answers. It’s the truth. 

More awkward silence between them. Henry grabs another croissant then makes a noise like he’s about to say something uncomfortable, like ‘hey mom, you’ve trapped me here long enough and I really want to move on to something I actually LIKE to do.’ Blair decides she needs to do something to break this dynamic. She reaches across the table and takes one of Henry’s hands in hers. 

“I love you,” Blair says quietly. “I hope you know that.”

Henry looks a little embarrassed, “I know that mom,” he says quickly, as if she’s saying the stupidest thing in the world. She thinks he should add a long, drawn out ‘geeeeeeeez’. 

“And I know I took you away from everything you knew when I brought you with me to Paris,” Blair continues, wanting him to know some of her truth if she can’t tell him everything. 

“It’s fine, mom,” Henry says in the manner that a kid who is used to everything changing very quickly uses. He’s adapted. Parents never around, breaks with Blair hovering too much, Chuck whisking him away on last minute trips to the Middle East because he can’t leave his business in Dubai and wants to play father. Henry is not a kid who has ever come home to breakfast every morning and parents who attend every school play. Blair brightens a little. She’ll attend a school play. She’s never been to one. Then she realizes that she doesn’t even know if Henry likes drama, or if when you’re twelve whether or not your whole class still puts on charmingly awkward plays as a rite of passage where scenery snafus happen and children forget their lines. Maybe she missed all of that. Blair feels that little tug of regret that never seems to go away when she’s talking to Henry.

“I just want to do better for you,” Blair says lamely, feeling that she’s failed again at trying to connect to her son. He squeezes her hand and smiles at her, and again Blair sees Chuck’s smile. 

“You already have, mom,” Henry says. “This is way better than boarding school, and my French is getting really good.” 

Blair’s heart swells a little. There are two men in her life who can make her feel amazing. One is on a plane to New York and will probably call her when he lands and then again in the cab. The other one is sitting across from her and she still wants to push his hair out of his eyes but doesn’t. 

“Okay,” Blair says. “Now, go play video games AND do your homework.”

“Awesome!” Henry says, standing up.

“put headphones one if you’re going to listen to music.”

“Okay, okay.”

“And call your dad.” Blair says as an afterthought. 

“Oooookay.” Henry groans, “you’re way too good at this mom thing sometimes!” 

Blair smiles so widely that it hurts. If only being Henry’s mother was only about telling him what to do and making sure he cleaned up his room. That she can handle. It’s the other stuff, the things in her heart and his, that she’s scared of messing up. She hears the room to his door shut and then the apartment is back to being quiet. 

Blair putzes for a bit. She pulls out her sketch book and starts to draw, thinking through some more ideas for dress designs. At some point she’s going to want to work and she thinks she’ll do something with her mother’s company, but right now she can spend some time being creative. She thinks she might head to an exhibit of 17th century to modern textiles to get some more ideas for fabric then decides she’ll stay home. Henry emerges from his room to show her his finished english essay and tells her he’s going to grab something to eat on his way to the park to meet Remy. 

Blair glances at the clock. Dan should land in a few more hours. She misses him already and as much as she had teased him about calling her too much, she can’t help but glance at her phone every fifteen minutes as his landing time comes closer. 

She stops sketching and tries to read a book then stops when she realizes she’s read the same sentence over and over. Maybe the newspaper, but after flipping past one depressing story after the other, Blair decides that’s not going to distract her either. She ends up crawling back into bed, burying her face into the sheets that smell like sex and Dan’s spicy cologne, and lying there as she replays the events of the night before in her mind. God, she misses him so much it hurts, just as much as it hurt before, but in a different way. This time it’s the kind of hurt that comes with this strange edge of joy and hope, not the kind that sits in your soul and eats you alive. 

Blair lies there, clutching her phone in her hand, lost in her thoughts, when it buzzes and she sees the picture of Dan she’d snapped that morning as they were in bed, and she loves his bedroom eyes staring at her and the way his curls are going every which way with the most excellent post-sex bedhead ever, so much she almost forgets to answer. She had taken the picture before he managed to put his hand up in front of his face and wave her away, then she’d asked him for his phone number, her voice cheesy and tinged with laughter at the fact that it sounded like a pick-up line, and made him a permanent part of her life, telling him that not everyone got a picture to go along with their number. He’d asked if Chuck had a picture and Blair had told him that Chuck was pretty much persona-non-grata on her phone. 

“Hi.” Blair says breathily as she answers, mentally kicking herself for sounding a little like a lovelorn teenager and then mentally kicking herself again for thinking that she really needed to practice answering the phone in the mirror a few times to get it just right. 

“Blair,” Dan’s voice rumbles in her ear, warm and loving and, oh god, she misses him so very much. “That was the longest flight of my life.”

Blair smiles. This is how things should be. At least for them. It feels like such a gift just to be able to miss each other and to be able to hear his voice. If this is what she gets, this is what she’ll take. Blair settles back into the bed loving the sound of his voice as Dan tells her all the boring details of his flight, down to the salty snacks they served, followed by a rant about the quality of salty snacks these days. Typical Humphrey diarrhea of the mouth, and he’s about to tell her about the meal they served and as Blair wonders where his promises of phone sex went, she stops his diatribe by schmoopily murmuring into her phone just because she can, “I love you, Humphrey.”

“Oh!” he stops and she can almost hear him smiling, “I love you too, Waldorf.” 

“I just didn’t want you to go another minute without knowing it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More images that have inspired me.
> 
> 1\. The [Musée des Arts décoratifs](http://www.lesartsdecoratifs.fr/english-439/) that Blair might have visited if she hadn't been sitting around waiting for a phone call. She might have seen something like [this](http://blogeng.lopificio.it/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/D1.jpg) or [this](http://www.lesartsdecoratifs.fr/local/cache-gd2/8a254ec0c23e7b9845b29c1069898b0e.jpg). Or maybe [this](http://rdujour.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/LouisVuittonMarcJacobsExhibition.jpg).
> 
> 2\. Paris [in the sun after the rain](https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2909/14190564094_88359ce612_o.jpg).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena sends a text that threatens to blow everything apart

It’s almost perfect. 

Actually, everything is so far from perfect that sometimes it hurts. Blair is in Paris, Dan is in New York. He calls, they talk, but it does nothing to keep her from missing him so badly it hurts. It’s still better than nothing and that’s why it’s almost perfect. Blair is learning to take what she can get.

Henry wonders who she’s talking to when she gets up early in the morning. She tells him she has a friend. He raises and eyebrow and repeats the word ‘friend’ in a manner that tells her he suspects something more than a friend. 

“Does dad know?” Henry asks, chewing on the end of his pencil as she finishes his math homework before heading to school. 

“Actually,” Blair says smugly, “he does.”

“Do I get to meet your...ahem...friend?” Henry asks pointedly. 

It’s a much more complex question than her son realizes. If she could have her way Henry would know that Dan was in her life permanently and they could move forward with redefining how their family looks. Maybe she’d finally get to meet the twins and they’d have to find a bigger place because Dan would be moving from New York and Atticus and Daisy would be staying over Spring Break. It would be all be very happy, Brady Bunch, blended family bliss. If Blair had her way. She doesn’t have her way. 

“I hope so.” Blair says, knowing it’s not really an answer. “It’s complicated.”

“Okay,” Henry says, accepting her answer in the way only a kid can. Then he says “well, you seem happy,” 

Blair feels her heart soar at her son’s cursory approval. Then he moves on to asking her about going to see an upcoming concert and Blair wonders about her son’s musical tastes once again, and wonders how she’s going to survive the teenage years. 

It’s almost perfect, until it isn’t, and that happens so quickly it knocks the air out of Blair’s lungs, leaves her grasping for something to steady herself as her entire world tilts on its axis. 

Summer will be here soon and Chuck sent an email asking of Henry could come back to New York for his break. He’s actually taking time off for Henry to have a real summer break and mentions something about Disney World, and Blair thinks that Chuck Bass at Disney World is somewhat humorous. Except he’ll probably rent out the park for the day, which would actually be VERY Chuck Bass and that leaves Blair wondering if it’s actually possible to rent Disney World of all things. Her ex-husband can be so absurd at times. She loves him more than she ever has in that moment. 

Henry is going to the park to skate after school and the day is one of those nice spring days with the sunlight filtering through the bright green new leaves that have unfurled on the trees that line the streets, casting everything in a delightful shade of yellow and chartreuse. Blair is working on her designs again, enjoying the breeze blowing through the open window when her phone buzzes and she picks it up, smiling, thinking that it’s a little early for Dorota to be texting her back about the chicken soup recipe, and that reminds her that chicken soup actually requires chicken and she needs to go to the market later. She looks at the screen. 

It’s not Dorota.

Blair reads the text. Once. She doesn’t need to read it more than that. She’ll never forget that moment as long as she lives because what she reads makes her go cold. 

-stay away from my husband

Blair runs to the bathroom and vomits. When she’s purged her entire stomach of its contents, she goes back to her phone that she left on her desk and picks it up with shaking hands. She’s trying to get the keypad up, trying to get to her favorites when the phone starts to buzz and Dan’s face pops up. Seeing his face makes her start to cry. Blair answers. 

“Blair?” Dan’s voice on the other end is tight. Worried. He knows. 

“Oh my god, Dan!” Blair almost sobs. “I don’t know. I have no idea how she figured out….”

“Did you get papers as well?” he asks. She tells him no, just a text from Serena. Dan makes an angry sound when Blair tells him what it said, then he tells her what they’d both expected in this scenario.

“She’s asking for full-custody.”

Blair can’t say anything, her voice is gone. She’ll find out later that Serena has set off the equivalent of an atom bomb, sending the text at the same moment Dan is served with papers. 

“I never should have listened to Chuck, never should have come to Paris, we never should have…”

“No!” Blair gasps. She wants to beg him not to say it, not to regret them. 

“Blair,” Dan gasps with such emotion that she hates that he’s not here with her, wants him to get on the next flight making his way to her, wants to be with him so badly that it hurts. But that would be wrong and make things worse, and Dan is now embroiled in a legal battle, so he can’t come to her. But she can go to him. She can be there in half a day. Henry can stay with his friend Remy. She can catch the next available flight to New York. He doesn’t have to go through this alone. He came to her when she needed him. Now it’s her turn.  
She tells Dan this, tells him that he doesn’t have to go through this alone.

“I don’t know,” Dan murmurs from across the ocean, “it might make things worse. I don’t know what she’d do if you were here...”

Blair feels herself start to get angry. Actually, a level of pissed off that she’s rarely reached. 

“Fuck Serena and her Woman Scorned act,” she says harshly. “I love you and she’s taking away the one thing that you love more than me. If she’s going to hold me against you, I’m going to be by your side.”

That’s that. Serena can go to hell. They’ve played by her rules, now she can deal with reality instead of trying to make it so she doesn’t have to face that her life was a lie and her husband is in love with another woman. Blair thinks back to the text. Stay away from my husband. Dan isn’t her husband anymore. And Blair isn’t going to hide in the shadows any longer.

“I’m coming to New York.” She says to Dan and he hears him sigh heavily, and she knows he isn’t going to argue. 

“I love you, Blair Waldorf.” 

It’s not entirely what she expected. She thought he might try to talk her out of it, tell her too much hangs in the balance. Instead he accepts that it’s time for them to be honest with the world about what’s going on, not just with each other. It’s time to fight. For them, for their families. And Blair Waldorf has always been good in a fight. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Blair says, her face breaking into a smile. She’s going to see Dan soon and despite the circumstances, the idea thrills her. Dan, his arms around her, kissing her. They say goodbye and Blair jumps on the internet, booking the next ticket to New York, not caring about the exorbitant price. She dials Remy’s mother and makes arrangements for her to pick up Henry at the park. Then she dials Dorota and smiles when her maid picks up.

“Oh, Miss Blair,” Dorota says when she answers the phone, sounding distressed, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to cause you and Mr. Dan any trouble.”

“What are you talking about Dorota?” Blair asks, expecting to be able to break the happy news of her visit to Dorota and not to find her maid apologizing to her for some mysterious affront. 

“I got the papers today. From Serena. A subpoena for me to tell everything I know about I know about your relationship with Lonely Boy.” Blair makes a mental note to remind Dorota that she doesn’t have to keep using Dan’s Gossip Girl nickname. “And they listed some texts you’d sent me…”

Blair’s heart sinks. Oh shit, that’s how they found out. She’d texted Dorota that Dan had been here, not even thinking that could be used against him. She’d been the one who had started this. 

“It’s okay, Dorota,” Blair says softly. “It’s my fault.” 

Dan might lose his kids and it’s all her fault. All of the sudden she doesn’t feel so gallant flying across the Atlantic to stand defiantly by her lover’s side. Blair swallows hard. 

“Well,” she says, “no matter. I’m coming home and then we can deal with this. And you did nothing Dorota. Serena clearly hired someone to hack into your phone and I’m the one who admitted that Dan was here. It must have been easy to check flight records and put two and two together. And it was probably only a matter of time before Serena found out anyway...”

Her words sound hollow and barely reassuring. 

She hopes he won’t hate her. 

She thinks she’ll wait to tell him in person. She’s the reason his kids might be taken away. 

Blair wants to cry. 

She needs to pack.

Dammit. 

The flight is the longest she’s ever taken, despite the fact that she’s flown Paris to New York what seems about a million times over the years. She tries listening to music but nothing seems to distract her thoughts from mulling over what she’s done. 

Dan will pick her up. Dorota texted and said she was going to send a car but Dan had called her and said he’d be there. Blair feels sick. She won’t even be able to buffer herself with a town car ride before she has to tell him the truth. 

She manages to sleep a little before the plane lands. Blair makes her way off the plane dragging her small carry-on behind her then walks down the concourse and towards baggage claim where Dan had texted he’d be waiting. Every step feels heavy. Then she sees him, standing and waiting, wearing what she thinks might be the same ratty wool pea coat he’s always had, a scarf around his neck, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, and Blair feels a twinge of anguish at what she has to tell him. Then he sees her and his face lights up in a way that makes everything slip away. Then Blair is running towards him, throwing her arms around him, and they are kissing. Kissing with the world watching them, and somehow this reminds her of another time in the airport, sitting next to him in an ugly I heart NY t-shirt, so happy that he was there for her. She thinks she should have known back then how much she loved him. 

Blair is crying.

“I’m so sorry,” she blabs pulling back, “I’m so so sorry, it’s all my fault, and I just didn’t think, and if I had, maybe...maybe this wouldn’t be happening.”

Dan pulls back to look down into her face. He looks confused.

“What is it Blair?” 

She tells him. It’s her fault. If she’d never told Dorota Dan was with her in Paris they would have never found out and Serena wouldn’t be trying to take his children away. She waits for Dan’s condemnation, but it never comes.

“Oh, love,” he sighs, “it was all in the papers. The ones they served me detailed our illicit affair as proof that I’m not a fit father. I knew all of this before I even talked to you. I didn’t know if you knew and I knew it would be so hurtful, so I was going to tell you when you got here.”

Blair feels all the tension she’s been holding slip away.

“So you don’t hate me?”

Dan smiles at her and brushes a tear off her cheek. Blair wonders about the fact that this relationship seems to make her cry on a regular basis. “It was ridiculous of us to think we could just hide and make everything okay in the first place, so no, I don’t hate you. I love you, and I love that you were happy when I left, even though we couldn’t be together, and that you asked Dorota how to boil water.”

Blair pretends to be offended at this comment although it’s very hard not to smile.

“It was a joke. Did Serena not include the winky smiley?”

All her worries slip away. With everything going on, the one overwhelming feeling between them is complete and utter joy at seeing each other. They can deal with the lawsuit tomorrow. 

“You need sleep,” Dan says as he throws an arm over her shoulder and Blair wraps an arm around his waist. They head towards the parking lot, her luggage rolling behind them, and to anyone passing by they looked like a happy couple going home after a trip. 

“I haven’t had much,” Blair admits.

“I’ll take you to the penthouse,” Dan tells her. “the car is waiting.”

“I want to stay with you,” Blair says, snuggling closer. She hates the idea of her sleeping in her old room and Dan in Brooklyn at the loft. She wants him close. Never wants to let him go again. 

“No worries. I’m not leaving you alone. Thanks to Serena we don’t have to hide anymore. I talked to Dorota. I’m staying over. If my soon to be ex-wife wants to argue that we’re illicit lovers as a way to hurt me, I’m going to take that to heart. And besides,” Dan says, looking down at her as they walk, hips bumping, wrapped up in each other, “I’ve missed you terribly.”

“Me too,” says Blair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little trip down [memory lane](http://gossipgirl.alloyentertainment.com/files/2012/02/blair-dan-in-airport.jpg).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fallout, and Blair speaks her mind.

They used to be friends. 

Blair sits across from Serena at the lawyer’s office, this one not as light and airy as the one in Paris. The furnishings are dark and heavy, reeking of old New York wealth so the Upper East Siders who expect their personal lives to be handled with the greatest discretion feel comfortable and safe. Always keep your prey in their native habitat.

They used to go shopping and keep each other’s secrets, but somehow that all ends when you fuck your best friend’s boyfriend. Serena’s done plenty of that to her, more than once, and Blair is astounded that after all these years she is taking on the role of martyr. It’s not like she didn’t sleep with both Nate and Dan while Blair was dating them. One might think that this situation is Serena getting her just desserts years later. But somehow the rules have changed and Blair is the bitch.

“Why is she here,” Serena asks her lawyer, pointedly not looking at Blair or saying her name. Under the table Dan grips her hand tightly. 

“I want her here, Serena,” he says sharply. 

“She’s the reason this all happened.”

Serena has shifted her gaze to Blair and it’s full of accusation. Blair is the home-wrecker, the one who seduced Dan away from Serena and their perfect life. 

“No, Serena,” Dan says calmly. “We are the reason this is happening. You and I. We never should have gotten married in the first place. I didn’t want to admit it but I can see now that things hadn’t been okay between us for a while. We were just convincing ourselves it was all perfect.”

His words hurt. Blair can tell by the way Serena blinks quickly, the way her face falls a little, but she recovers easily. 

“Things weren’t okay once you fucked that whore.” Serena sneers, ugly but somehow still shining, and Blair wonders how she manages to do it, to look beautiful at all times.

“I can’t do this.” Dan says, starting to get up, “I can’t sit here and have her insult Blair.”

“You asked her to come with you. You should have known…” Serena hisses angrily.

“YOU can act like an adult Serena.” Dan spits back at her. “This is the situation. Nothing will change it. Even trying to take the twins away from me.”

“So you’ll sacrifice the twins for her?”

“Only because that’s the situation you’ve created, Serena. I have no other choice at this point.”

Blair watches as Serena grabs her purse off the table, opens it and finds a tissue, then turns away and dabs at her eyes, mostly dramatically but there’s also something genuine about her actions. She’s struck for a moment that no matter how horrible Serena is behaving, this is hard for her, and she’s hurting just as much as Dan is in her own way. 

“Serena,” Blair starts and her former friend turns back to the table, her eyes still angry, her mouth pinched.

“Why do you think you can have any say here?” Serena hisses. “It wasn’t your marriage that was destroyed. It’s not your kids who now have a broken family.”

Blair wants to tell her that she’s wrong. Her marriage ended because she is in love with someone besides her husband. Her son now splits his time between her house and his father’s. Serena’s family isn’t the only one changed forever by one chance meeting in Paris.

“A long time ago we were friends,” Blair says softly, “and I know this hurts you. I saw how you reacted when Dan and I dated the first time, and now so much more hangs in the balance.”

“Why are you saying this? What’s your point?”

Blair swallows, “I’m trying to say that we can find a way to get past this as friends. It’s not fair to take the twins away from Dan. He’s nothing but a good father. You know that.”

“Then he wouldn’t be fucking you and cheating on me,” Serena says quietly. 

“Do you want me to say we were wrong? That I’m sorry? I am, but maybe not for the reason you think,” Blair whispers as she feels tears spring into her eyes, “I wish everything were different. I wish I hadn’t spent fifteen years missing something I’d barely had but was actually real. I wish there weren’t kids involved. I wish none of this had happened the way it did. But it did. We’ve all made our choices. I saw Dan and followed. He cheated on you. You decided to try to take away his children because he loves me instead of you. We are all adults here and we are all trying to hurt each other.”

“What then,” Serena says disdainfully, “I let all this go and we become friends? We spend holidays and go skiing in Aspen? Really, Blair? All because of your moving speech?”

“No,” Blair says quietly, “but we do all accept that this is where we are, even if not everyone likes it. I’m not going away. You can’t change any of this by being angry or threatening. We need to move on and that needs to be with Dan seeing his children. With a fair agreement between you two.”

Dan will tell her later that night as they’re lying in her bed, sweaty and spent, that he’s never loved her more than he did in that moment. But right now Serena is looking at her silently and she looks a little deflated, and maybe...just maybe, she’s finally heard what Blair is trying to tell her. She needs to let go. 

“Stay out of it, Blair,” Serena finally says tiredly. 

The rest of the meeting is the lawyers going back and forth. There is no prenup. Serena has enough money to support herself from her grandmother anyway. Dan will provide child support. Serena refuses to change her demand that she has full custody. Blair holds Dan’s hand the entire time and he glances over at her only once, not wanting to hurt Serena by paying more attention to Blair than necessary. Blair is silent for most of the meeting, only sipping water out of the glass that the assistant occasionally refills, playing the role she came to play: Dan’s support and nothing more. She’s still glad she’s had a chance to say her peace. She only speaks up one more time to make sure that the hacked text to Dorota’s phone does indeed include a winky smiley face.

“I can actually boil water,” Blair says pointedly and she thinks she sees a smile on the edges of Serena’s mouth. “I just want to have that noted.”

Dan will tell her that if he thought he couldn’t love her more during her speech to Serena, he was wrong, because her insistence that the record on her cooking skills be corrected made his heart soar. 

Serena refuses to make any agreement at the end of the meeting, but she seems softer, and Dan will also tell her later that Serena found him alone in the hallway and she had said she could tell that he really loves Blair, and asked if he’d ever loved her, and Dan had told her the truth. Yes. He’d loved her. How could he not. They had built a life together and made a family. It wasn’t all a lie - none of it actually had ever been a lie. He just didn’t know that he’d settled, and he wish it hadn’t hurt to much to figure that out. 

Maybe this can all be over soon. Maybe not.

The next day might bring more papers and more lawyers and this might end up in court and drag on for years, but that night they arrive at the penthouse to find that Dorota has ordered from Blair’s favorite restaurant and is standing in the foyer with her coat on as Dan and Blair arrive. The dining room table has been set on one end with the fine china and silver candlesticks. 

“Nice dinner, good for, um, hanky panky.” Dorota whispers to Blair, causing Blair to blush. No matter how grown up she feels, Dorota talking about sex is too close to her own mother talking about it.

“Did she say what I thought she said?” Dan asks her as the elevator doors slide shut.

“Ummmm, yes.” 

“She does know that we’re about more than sex. I mean, I love your mind, and we both love going to museums and good coffee.”

“Yes,” Blair says smiling and leaning into Dan, “I stay with you because of your astute observations on Kandinsky, not because you’re a good lay.”

“You’re crude, Waldorf.”

Blair realizes with a smile that they’re bantering. It’s like Dan and Blair from years ago have reared their ugly art-snob literary geek heads, and this must mean that things are better. She tells Dan this later and he grins at her while stabbing his plank roasted line caught salmon and he looks even more handsome in the candle light.

“We’re free,” Dan tells her. “We’re finally free.”

He’s right. Blair had sat across from Serena, had sat by Dan’s side, and there was not arguing how things would be from now on. Blair had taken her place, although it was primarily because Serena had forced her hand. If she’d had a choice she would have taken things much slower, made this transition much softer. But no matter what, it was over and they were free.

“I guess you can meet Henry now,” Blair says, lifting a fork-full of chanterelle risotto to her mouth and savoring it’s earthy, silken feel on her tongue. Dan’s eyes go wide in mock fear.

“Will he be wearing a suit? I mean, he is related to Chuck Bass.” he jokes.

Blair makes a face at him and thinks she won’t offer to let him try her risotto after all, “no, you idiot. He’s just a kid. He wears t-shirts and really ratty jeans. I don’t know if either Chuck or myself really want to claim his fashion sense.”

“I hope he likes me,” Dan says, sounding surprisingly uncertain. Blair is touched by this because it means that Henry is already important to him. 

“He already knows about you. He guess I had something going on from all the early morning phone calls.”

Dan’s eyes widen, this time with real fear.

“Uh, the phone sex phone calls?”

“Um, I was discreet. And imagine, what if we hadn’t been careful and Serena had a bunch of us sexting,” 

“Sexting?” Dan’s eyebrows go up, “my kids are only nine. Is this what they’ll do when they’re older? Doesn’t anyone date anymore? And what about twitter? I don’t get it.”

Blair rolls her eyes, “You’re too verbose to sext, Humphrey.”

“I’ll just have to stick to writing you PWP than,” Dan says.

“PWP?” 

“Plot, what plot.” 

“What in the world is plot, what plot?”

“It’s a fanfic thing.”

“WHAT in the hell is fanfic?”

“Um, nevermind.” Dan says, mumbling something about ‘guilty pleasures’ as he turns a little red and not meeting her gaze he attempts to take a fork-full of her risotto in an effort to distract her. At the same moment Blair blocks him, partly out of spite and partly for her own amusement. She then realizes that she really likes them like this: dinner, banter, a little flirting. It’s feels comfortable. It feels right. 

“So,” Dan says over dessert, and if they were younger and stupider, they might be feeding it to each other, but they aren’t. “do you want to get naked and fuck?”

“Who’s being crude now?” Blair asks, although the answer she’s thinking is, ‘god yes, I was wondering when we’d get to the so called hanky panky, this dinner has been nice but it has taken FOREVER.’

Dan gets up from his chair and walks over to stand by her, offering his hand. Blair takes it and stands up only to find herself swept into Dan’s embrace and his mouth is capturing hers in a crushing kiss. All of the lightness and banter drop away, leaving Blair’s head spinning, and they are replaced by urgent need. Dan’s tongue is doing things that make Blair moan against his lips. 

“oh god, Blair, I’ve been waiting all day to do this.” Dan says against her mouth, pulling her hard against him. “You make me so crazy.”

“And you waited until after dinner?” Blair manages to ask before he’s kissing her again. Dan breaks off the kiss and looks at her quizzically. 

“Well, Dorota went to all this effort,” he says sheepishly, “I didn’t want to be rude, and I actually was really enjoying just talking, and you’re beautiful and funny, and as much as I love sex with you, I love everything else too. And, being older and wiser, I can manage to delay gratification.”

Despite Dan’s claims of maturity and delayed gratification, they don’t it to the bedroom and end up tangled naked on the couch, Blair straddling Dan, staring into his eyes, telling him she loves him over and over, watching the pleasure on his face. Then they do make it to the bedroom and this time they take their time and Dan whispers a love poem all over her body, making Blair finally beg him to get on with it. Then they sleep, sated, sweaty, legs slung over hips, arms around waists, deep and dreamless. 

In the morning Dorota is back and breakfast is on the table, along with a newspaper. Dan has his sex bed head going on and Blair knows her lips are a little swollen. She decides if Dorota looks at her knowingly and says anything about ‘hanky panky’ that she’s fired. Luckily for Dorota, she only looks at Blair knowingly. 

Dan’s phone rings as he’s halfway through a scone with jam. He looks at the screen then glances at Blair and says only one word. It’s all she needs to know.

“Lawyer.”

He gets up from the table and walks into the foyer. Blair can hear the deep rumble of Dan’s voice during the one-sided conversation, and she could try harder to hear what he’s saying, but her stomach has dropped and she thinks he might throw up, her usual go-to for stressful situations, so it’s better if she just waits for him to tell her what’s going on. After a few minutes Blair hears Dan say thank you and he returns to the table and sits down. 

Blair can see that Dan’s eyes are shining with tears, and she knows it’s bad. The worst has happened. Dan will pay a price that is unfathomable just for loving her, and she hates Serena so much in that moment. She wants to devolve into the kind of girl who will take down her opponent with an all-out catfight brawl, and Serena Van Der Woodsen had better watch herself in dark alleys. 

Dan takes her hands in his and he opens his mouth then closes it again, as if trying to find the right words, then after what feels like an eternity, he speaks, his voice soft and a little hoarse, the words come out choked.

“You get to meet the twins,” Dan says and in that moment Blair decides that Serena had better avoid her because she might hug her to death, “she agreed to all my terms.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blair wears pants and comfortable shoes.

Blair feels like she’s going to throw up. It’s annoying that after all these years her body continues to work out all its stress in her stomach. She stands outside the loft, gazing up at it, then checks herself in her pocket mirror one more time. She’s picked out what she hopes will be an acceptable outfit, and her mother’s voice echoes in the back of her mind: Blair, first impressions are the most important. She smooths her hands over her black, tailored cropped pants. Pants! She’s wearing comfortable flats, just in case they might go for a walk or play a game of tag or something else ridiculous like that. Blair in comfortable shoes. She hopes that Dan knows how much she loves him. She’s wearing a loose, trendy top that her personal shopper picked out when she told him she needed to look acceptable to a couple nine year old kids. 

“Okay, Waldorf, it’s going to be okay,” she mutters to herself.

She thinks being nervous is entirely appropriate. After all, she’s the reason mommy and daddy are living apart, and she doesn’t know how much Serena has told the twins. Her hands feel sweaty as she climbs the steps and finally arrives at the door of the loft, lifts her hand and raps two times. 

Dan slides the door open. He smiles when he sees her then looks her up and down and downright grins in approval.

“Pants.” he says with a slight twist of the edge of his mouth. "And comfortable shoes. Nice." 

If Blair wasn’t still trying to keep the contents of her breakfast down she might have whacked him on the bicep for that one. Blair smiles wanly and gives him a pointed glare. She’s nervous enough already. 

Dan steps aside and gestures for her to enter into the loft and Blair is struck by an almost overwhelming sense of nostalgia. The last time she was here they were saying goodbye and her mind was full of sorrow. Now she can glance around and see what has changed, and it all looks mostly familiar but different as well. She remembers sitting on the couch, curled next to Dan, her head on his shoulder. Dan sitting at the kitchen bar nursing a beer, asking her if she and Chuck got back together in a tone that says he thinks he already knows the answer. She remembers the way he walked towards her, teasing her but not really, and saying his name over and over, savoring the way it rolled off her tongue. She remembers the way he smiled before he kissed her. It seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at the same time. 

“Atti! Dais!” Dan calls and Blair follows his gaze to see the twins sitting on the couch, Atticus absorbed in a game on his iPad, Daisy sitting cross-legged with headphones on, a book in her lap. 

Blair had thought she might bring a gift. She’d asked Dorota yesterday what she thought and her maid had looked at her thoughtfully.

“You want them to like you, yes?”

Blair nodded. She wants them to love her, to embrace her, to be her family. She’s never met them and she loves them because they are part of Dan. She wants all of this with a ferocity that surprises her. 

“But you don’t want them to think you buying them.”

Blair shook her head. No. Not that. She didn’t want to do what her parents did, replacing affection with things. 

“No gift,” Dorota had said decisively, but now as Blair is standing awkwardly in the middle of the loft with a pair of nine year old eyes sizing her up, she wishes she had two giant beautifully gift wrapped boxes to shove at them in order to deflect their scrutiny. Atticus puts down his iPad and Daisy removes her headphones. 

“This is my friend Blair.” Dan says, standing next to her, not touching her, and Blair wants so badly to hook her arm through his and lean on him for support, but she knows she can’t. She also doesn’t want to be the newer better replacement mommy model that daddy has brought in. She needs to just be Blair to them. Warm, friendly, caring Blair. 

“Hey,” Atticus mumbles, looking a little uncomfortable and Blair sees Dan’s eyes as his son stares at her, sizing her up. Blair thinks that his gangly awkwardness reminds her of Henry at this age, all legs and arms and knobby knees. He’s wearing jeans and tennis shoes and a t-shirt with a graphic the X-Men leaping out towards her.

“Hi,” Blair says, trying to sound more casual than she feels and she hopes she pulls it off. “X-men, huh? Did you see the latest movie?”

“Dad took me to the premier,” Atticus says dismissively, as if to indicate Blair should know these things already, and um, all kids in L.A. go to premiers, don't you know. Geez. Blair turns to look at Dan.

“Yeah, I helped a little on the script and got tickets.” he says a little sheepishly. “Atticus is a huge fan, although we’re in disagreement about whether or not that new actor what-his-name or Hugh Jackman makes the best Wolverine.”

“Cool.” Blair says, feeling a little old and lame and she makes a mental note to get Dorota to round up all the X-Men movies and comics for her to read. Atticus picks up his iPad again and goes back to ignoring Blair and Blair tries to ignore the feeling of defeat that clenches tight in her chest. Atticus is not going to be an easy one to win over. 

“Are you dad’s girlfriend?” Daisy asks from her corner of the couch where she's chewing on a stand of her hair. Blair looked at her accidentally laughs at the girl’s forthrightness.

“Daisy!” Dan says, his tone chastising his daughter.

“Well, Genevieve's parents got divorced and her dad got a new girlfriend and Genevieve’s mom said she’s a gold digging hussy wanna-be model. That’s why she’s here, right? You and mom aren’t going to be married anymore and Blair is going to be your new girlfriend. I have lots of friends who have parents who are divorced, you know. Wait, you're not actually a model, are you ? You're pretty enough to be one."

Atticus glances up from his game and rolls his eyes at Blair, a look that says he's well aware his sister talks a lot and she'll find out later that he calls being around his sister living in Crazy Daisyland. No matter, Blair likes Daisy. She’s bright and energetic and straight-forward. 

“Are you rich?” the girl asks, pushing dark blond, wavy hair away from her face and tilting her face in a way that makes her look just like Serena fora moment although Blair can see so much if Dan in her too. 

“Um,” Blair says, and she can’t help but smile. She doesn’t really know how to answer.

“Daisy!” Dan says, sounding more exacerbated. “Leave Blair alone.”

“Well,” Daisy huffs, “if she’s rich, she’s not going to be a gold digger. I just wanted to find out.”

“It’s okay,” Blair reassures Dan. “I can handle any question thrown at me.” She looks at Daisy. “I’m not interested in your dad for his money. I have plenty of my own.”

I’m just interested in his mind, his soul, his body, and everything else, Blair thinks to herself. She wants his sense of humor, the way he smiles, his crazy hair, the stories he writes her, the way he says her name just before kissing her. She is interested in everything about Dan Humphrey except his money. There are some things you don’t tell children. 

“Are you going to marry him?” Daisy asks, the look on her face impish. 

“Daisy!” Dan says sharply, “really, enough.”

“Geez, Dais, leave her alone,” Atticus groans, looking up from his iPad again and glaring at his sister. 

Blair blushes at Daisy’s question. She and Dan have barely been able to think about tomorrow, let alone what the future holds and if it might be marriage. Dan glances over at her, and she sees that he’s blushing as well. 

“We haven’t talked about it,” Dan says, looking away from Blair and towards his daughter. How funny that their first discussion of the possibility of marriage is taking place out of the mouths of babes instead of over a romantic dinner lit by candlelight. Blair wants to tell him what her answer would be, which is yes. She would marry him in a second if he were to ask. She would drag him down to the courthouse right now and make it legal. All he needs to do is say the word. Instead she looks at the kids with mock irritation, and says, putting her hands on her hips.

“Grown-up stuff, guys.” 

Daisy laughs and Atticus visibly relaxes, although he still refuses to make eye contact with her. Blair smiles. So far, so good. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Dan says they’re going to a park, especially since Blair seems to have worn appropriate shoes, and Daisy is saying something about ice cream, and Blair feels some of her tension slip away.

It ends up being a pretty good first time meeting the twins. The day is bright and sunny and even a little bit warm. They play soccer in the park, Dan barely holding back his smirk as he watches Blair kick the ball. She jabs him in the ribs with her elbow and reminds him that people can change. Daisy is a chatterbox, telling Blair a million different things all in the span on any given twenty minutes of time. Blair hears about her latest favorite pop star and how much she hates one particular girl at school and how awesome the beach in California is and how they’ve hated the winter in New York and sometimes she wishes they never moved and...and...and…. Blair’s head spins a little at the rate the girl walking next to her can talk.

Dan holds her hand at the park, almost as an afterthought, and she leans into him from time to time, their shoulders brush and sometimes she catches him just watching her with those dark eyes that crinkle at the edges when he laughs, and Blair knows that this...this moment...it’s real. She finds herself tearing up with the simple beauty of everything around her and when Dan asks if she’s okay, she answers that she’s more than okay. She’s happy. 

Atticus is reticent. He eyes Blair with suspicion and she can tell that he’s the kind of personality that is loyal, and even liking Blair is going to betray his mother. She can help him figure out how she fits into his life. They have time. He hangs back as they walk down the street on their way to the park and then back towards the loft and although Blair knows he’s intent on wearing a perpetual scowl for this little interlude, she sees it slip a few times, like when Dan scores a goal against Blair and then does a ridiculous victory dance and proceeds to sweep Blair off her feet and throw her over his shoulde. She has a feeling that this boy is not going to let her into his life easily, but she also knows that Blair Waldorf loves a good challenge. Anyway, she’s pretty sure Henry and Atticus are going to love each other when they finally meet. 

Later that day after the twins have been dropped off with Serena and Dan and Blair have consumed a pie from their favorite Brooklyn pizzeria and are sitting on the floor of the loft drinking beer and going over the events of the day, Blair stops for a moment and gazes at Dan, feeling deeply content. 

“I would marry you, you know.” she says softly. “all you need to do is ask, and the answer will be yes.”

“Why do I need to do the asking?" Dan kids, "but it's good to know I'm not just another boy toy for you to use and throw away."

“Ha!” Blair says, laughing as she takes another sip of her beer.

“First pants, now beer. You’ll be a Brooklyn Humphrey before you know it.”

“Seriously,” Blair says, watching his face. “You want to do this. Get married again. After all we’ve been through and how messed up it feels sometimes. You’re not jaded? We won’t crash and burn in another fifteen years?”

Dan laughs, “Strangely enough, I’m not. I don’t feel like marriage failed me. I just married the wrong person. Now I’ve found the right person. Why not do it?”

“Yeah,” Blair muses, “why not. Um, wait. Did you just propose?”

“Waldorf.” Dan smirks, “I might not have the romantic edge that Chuck Bass brings to the game, with rooms full of flowers and a diamond ring the size of a golf ball, but when I propose, you’ll know it.”

Blair grins.

“Wait, really, did you just propose? I want to make sure I don’t miss it.”

Dan puts down his beer and proceeds to tackle Blair. 

Later, when they are lying in the newer, more comfortable bed that’s in Dan’s old room, one of the better changes Blair has noted, kissing each other slowly and thoroughly, because they have time, then pausing to go over events of the day before kissing some more, Dan tells her that Serena is moving back to L.A.

“She has all her friends back there, her old job will take her back, the kids miss their school and all they do is complain about the weather,” Dan says.

“And you’re okay with this?”

“It’s not my first choice, but since I’ll be in Paris, the twins will just have to get used to a little bit of a jet setting lifestyle.”

“Wait,” Blair interrupts, “Paris? You’re moving to Paris?”

Dan looks sheepish, as if he’s been caught doing something he isn’t supposed to, and she knows he is worried he has assumed too much, “well, I thought since Henry is in school and you love living there so much, and it’s not like New York has a lot of appeal to me, and with Serena and the kids back in L.A., you know, Paris seemed like the logical option. 

Blair practically squeals as she grabs Dan’s face in her hands and kisses him all over. She pulls back and looks at him. 

“I love you, Dan Humphrey.” Blair says happily, “and this means we need a bigger place.”

“Why,” Dan asks, “you already have two bedrooms.”

“The twins. They’re going to want to visit and see their step-brother. You know, because we’re getting married, and Henry is going to be part of their family.”

“Wait,” Dan says, his voice cracking a little as he holds back his laughter, “we’re getting married? Did I miss something? Was that a proposal, Waldorf?”

Blair swats Dan playfully then she pulls him to her and kisses him not so playfully. 

Dan does propose. Blair walks into the penthouse a few weeks later after going shopping with Dorota and Dan is standing in the foyer dressed in a tuxedo holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and a box with a ring. He tells her he knows they can’t get married right away. He has to get divorced and they have to work out custody agreements and they’re coming up on the beginning of summer. Still, would she come live with him and be his love for the rest of their lives. Blair says ‘yes’ almost before he’s done asking if she would be his wife, and then she throws herself into his arms. Dorota stands behind them, looking pleased as pie. 

They are married in the fall after Dan’s divorce is finalized. It’s nothing fancy, just Dan and Blair at city hall with the kids. Dorota stands with Blair since Blair’s mom sent a message that Fashion Week would keep her away. Blair isn’t too surprise. They all go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant afterwards. Blair can’t stop smiling. 

The twins are heading back to California in a week to start school and Dan has packed up his stuff and he and Blair will fly to Paris a few days after they drop off the twins. Henry is in Dubai and will join them a few days later. Blair spends most of the flight home with her head on Dan’s shoulder, thinking about how she’d rushed to New York to be by his side not so long ago. She’s looking forward to seeing her apartment and having Dan there with her with there entire life ahead of them. 

They arrive at the apartment after a long day of traveling and even though they’re both exhausted, it’s still early in the day. Blair yawns a little and Dan looks over at her, bemused, as they stand outside the door.

“Well,” he says.

“Yeah,” Blair says. “Here we are.”

“I love you, Blair Waldorf,” Dan says quietly. “Today. Tomorrow. Forever.”

Blair drops the bag she’s been lugging around and wraps her her arms around her husband’s waist, pulling him tight against her and holding onto him like she’ll never let him go. Her head is full of memories, of Dan, of being here with him. This is the place that everything they knew before ended and everything they know now began. This is home. Blair tells Dan this. They are finally home. In Paris. And the sun is shining. 

Today. Tomorrow. Forever.


End file.
